Sex can be intimate, but more often than not it isn’t. Intimacy is closeness, and although we certainly get physically close during sex, mentally we can be miles apart.
True intimacy relies on knowledge — on knowing people just as well, if not better, than they know themselves. It’s not difficult for men to become more intimate with their women.
Not as difficult as one might think… but you are going to have to make the effort. Here are a few things you’ll want to try:
1. Tell her she’s beautiful.
There is no shortage of men who are willing to compliment women on a daily basis. The difference between them and you, however, is that when you tell the woman you love that she’s beautiful, it isn’t with ulterior motives.
You don’t tell a thousand women whatever they want to hear just to sleep with them. You are telling the woman you love that, in that moment, she is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.
When a woman knows you find her so positively stunning — inside and out — she’ll never have to worry about you straying or your feelings faltering. Trust is the most intimate thing two people can share.
2. Write her a love letter.
There’s plenty that can be said without words, but every woman wants to hear how much you love her.
Give her a physical thing that she can go back and reference whenever she misses you or feels uncertain of your love, and she’ll feel much more secure — and happier.
You don’t have to be a good writer to write a good love letter. Just put into words — the best you can — why she means the world to you. Don’t type it; write it by hand so that when she looks at the words, she feels that it’s you who wrote them.
3. Take a vacation together.
One of the best ways to become more intimate with your lover, to get to know and understand her more deeply, is to take a long trip together. Not just a weekend — two weeks minimum.
Intimacy is all about getting close to the other, and there is no better way to understand a woman better than to throw yourselves into an irregular or uncommon situation.
People are very good at keeping up façades when they’re feeling comfortable, when they’re surrounded by familiar surroundings.
Take that individual and place her in the middle of the unknown, the inexperienced, and you get to see her at her most intimate and basic levels — the level at which she is forced to take in novel information and then use that information to make real time judgements and decisions.
4. Take care of her when she’s sick and allow her to take care of you when you’re sick.
If you want to become more intimate with your partner, then you are going to have to accept her, not only at her best, but also at her worst. I’m sorry ladies, but no woman — or man for that matter — looks good when she’s coughing up a lung.
When your woman is sick, she is — quite literally — at her most vulnerable. Think about the way you feel and act when you physically feel horrible. I’d bet my life that you aren’t the jolly, pleasant person you usually are.
That’s why letting her see you when you’re at your most vulnerable is also extremely intimate. You can see how far she’s willing to go for you, and how much of you you’re willing to show.
5. Sleep with her (without having sex).
It’s easy to share a bed with a woman, whether you love her or not. The harder part is not making a move when the beautiful woman next to you says she isn’t ready or she isn’t in the mood.
Embracing a woman tenderly with no intention of taking it further means your feelings extend past the normal libidinal urges you suffer from. Cuddling a woman because you love her means needing to be close to her because it makes you happy.
This kind of happiness lasts more than a night — it lasts for a lifetime.
6. Stare into each other’s eyes for extended periods of time.
There is little in the world that makes us feel more uncomfortable than extended periods of eye contact. They say that the eyes are the windows to our souls — and I don’t think they, whomever they may be, are wrong.
Looking deep into your lover’s eyes most likely won’t show you her deepest inner secrets, but it will show you how comfortable the two of you are with each other.
The longer you’re able to stare, the more comfortable the two of you are. If you want to break down whatever barriers are left in your relationship, focus on more eye contact.
7. Meet the family.
A person is not just a person. She’s a combination of all the people she was influenced by growing up — primarily, her family. We base all our relationships in life on the relationships we have with our family members.
They are our oldest relationships, and because we formed them in our earliest years, they greatly shaped the way we perceive interpersonal interaction and relationships.
You can often learn more about your partner from the people she surrounded herself with than you can learn from her herself.
8. Spend the holidays together.
Human beings are creatures that focus much of their energy on holding on to traditions. Sadly, this makes progress incredibly difficult as no one especially enjoys change. However, there is much to be said about the importance of healthy traditions.
Keep in mind that the traditions she has now are more than likely the traditions that she’ll want to pass down to you and the children you have together.
It’s always a good idea to spend time with the people you want to get to know better in moments of tradition and celebration. It allows for an understanding that few other instances allow for.
9. Absolutely nothing.
The most intimate thing two people can ever do is absolutely nothing. Consider how difficult it is for most of us to do nothing at all on our own. We feel restless, uncomfortable, bored.
Now, imagine lying next to the love of your life and not doing anything other than sucking in the reality around you, breathing in the moment and each other. Intimacy doesn’t just involve action. It doesn’t just involve the attainment of information or better understanding.
The purest form of intimacy is simply living together — not living in the sense of sharing an apartment, but living in the sense of breathing and listening to your heart beat.
If you and the woman you love feel comfortable doing nothing at all together then you’ll likely feel comfortable with just about everything else.