In dealing with passive aggressive people, one needs tact.
From what I gathered, she’s fed up with her In-laws always trying to manipulate issues in her matrimonial home. Anyone would think it’s as simple as letting them know how she feels about their unsolicited unnecessary suggestions, but the fact is, her situation demands caution and diplomacy if peace must reign!
The history dates back to her school days, Ngozi her friend (Now Sister-In-law) was her school mate in secondary school and both also attended the same University. And as fate would have it, she introduced her to the brother Mike; who dated her and later got married to her.
To repay her favour, she’s done everything under the sun to make her friend feel happy and welcome in her home, but it seems, Ngozi is interested in a much bigger price; Running her home.
She’s re- paying this debt everyday for one favour…. The love of her beloved husband!
According to the story, she was happy and comfortable for Ngozi to continue living in her matrimonial home, even after she got married to her brother….. But surprisingly, she noticed dramatic changes in the way Ngozi and her elder sister tries to run her matrimonial home.
Initially, she thought nothing much of it, because being a close friend for years, Ngozi enjoys controlling everything, even their friendship! she likes dictating what people should do or say…. although politely! But fearing the worse for her marriage, she brought her observation to Ngozis’ attention, pointing out issues concerning her home, her husband, her ideas and suggestions; most of which were always contrary to what she would have wanted.
A Conversation of this nature can go either way…. And it did! Word is out…. The silence is broken! Now everyone can say what they’ve always wanted to say and how they’ve always truly felt! The argument on that day revealed a lot!
According to the story, although it’s a fairly big house, big enough for 10 more visitors, Ngozi would always come and stay in her matrimonial room when she needs privacy with her husband! She’s always around in the living area when it’s movie time with her husband, indirectly cutting short her intimate time by talking to her brother. Even after 7yrs of marriage to her brother, Ngozi still remained unmarried and continued living in her home.
Mrs Davis is very unhappy living with her In-laws, and doesn’t know how to politely ask her friend to please get a life, and leave her to enjoy her husband and kids.
She asked, “how do I get my friend to allow me enjoy my matrimonial home?” She’s my age mate, but she’s not bothered about getting her own husband! I’ve used all the tricks in the world to show her that she’s not welcome to continue living with us, but all the time, she pretends to be ignorant of my attitude towards her.
In her own words…..”I fear that if I allow Ngozi and her sister to continue interfering in my matrimonial affairs, one day, they might break my home”.
According to the concerns she raised, Ngozi is too willing to do anything, from cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, she will advice and monitor her husbands’ finances; in fact, every chore a wife should do, she’s dominated everything. So much that one doesn’t know weather to be happy or concerned! She advices her husband how much to give her, what gift to get for the kids, which business to go into, where to invest the family bond, what to change in the house, the school she thinks the kids should go to, the type of clothes the kids should wear, when the kids should play or read……… she’s even more angry when her brother comes in late!!! These are the responsibilities of a wife! She expressed in somewhat angry and jealous tone…..
She concluded her story by saying…..” My kids are very intelligent and I wouldn’t want them to be under the impression that I don’t have control over my home! Even as they’re still little, they’ve come to understand that if they want anything, they must take permission from Ngozi for fear of getting into trouble with their Dad! I’m so fed up and frustrated right now, I seriously need to take effective actions fast!”
She asked me almost in tears …”Please how do I go about this without being insensitive to Ngozi or offending my husband?”
Voice of Reasoning!
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