You Kept Me In Trouble!!!
In many relationships we have a weak and a strong partner!!!
The strong partner always takes control and enjoys making many of the very important decisions for the other partner!
The amount of control depends on how much the strong partner loves the weak lover!
If the love is more…..the strong partner usually moderates the authority on the relationship for fear of losing it all together!
This story is about a beautiful lady that I interviewed today!!!
According to her, she had a very perfect relationship with friends and family until she met her lover!
From the story, this gentleman was almost heaven sent! He took care of her needs and loved her like no other before!
The only problem which at the time she felt she could handle was the man’s jealousy!
Not long after she began dating him, he made it known that he wasn’t happy with the many childhood friends she was entertaining both at work and at her apartment!
Lunch break with friends, especially male colleagues, was out of the question…dinner parties; was like a taboo!!!
Even after many polite appeals to his soft side, of how she feels isolated by her friends, he still maintained his stance in the matter!
From the story, she lost many of her contacts, and began having problems at work because of a fight that happened during Christmas; as the lover surprisingly came into the office as she was hugging a male colleague that just gave her a Christmas present!!!
As soon as they got home, he asked her to quit her job, blaming her colleagues of being jealous of their love; that out of envy, they were making her working environment hell with all their wrong advices to leave him!!!
Without putting up a fight, she quit her job…… and quite frankly, she was beginning to develop phobia being around her once loving and caring colleagues now hostile towards her!
From her story, this did not put an end to the constant monitoring and controlling of her lover!!!
The next problem was now a kind neighbour who always checks up on her to see how she’s doing!
She said that after the lover met him once or twice at her apartment, he asked her to move out of the apartment and look for accommodation elsewhere!
She just got a new job after working over 7years at the former job she quit… now she’s been asked yet again to move to another flat months after she refurbished and settled into her apartment!!!
She told me that every time her lover would make it seem as if it’s a change for the better!
To please her lover, she began avoiding her neighbour, who took it personal, and also began avoiding her!
It was problem everywhere she met any kind friend….. Male or female!!! The lover would always make her feel guilty of ignoring him…..
Out of frustration, she moved out of her apartment, and went to live with her Aunty who lives just near her new place of work!
This also became another issue as the lover started suspecting her nephew’s friends of indirectly coming to look for her!!!
In fact, after the lover made trouble at her Aunt’s home, she was asked politely to move out!
Out of frustration, she moved back with her parents!
Just like other places….. The lovers’ attitude towards her began upsetting her parents!
They invited the lover over and tried to advise him about his obsessive behaviour, but instead of understanding their genuine concern for their relationship, he quickly took offense and stormed out!
According to her, she equally felt that her parents were a bit harsh, and ran out after him!
Right in front of her house, there and then, she was invited by the man to come and live with him….. He made sure she understood clearly, that it was yes now……. or they’re over!!!
Out of pressure and frustration…. she agreed!!! She went in and began packing to move her things despite her parent’s plea for her to reconsider! Her parents expressed their disappointment….words were thrown back and forth and she left!
Many months passed, and it seemed as though peace and happiness had returned…..came another even bigger fight!
Living with him meant closer scrutiny of everything about her….when she goes out, where she goes, when she comes in, who she says hi to, in fact, her A-Z!!!
She told me, that on the day in question, she couldn’t call him because she had a flat battery, and she forgot to tell him in the morning that she would be branching to a nearby saloon to make her hair after work!!
She said that, when she came back, even with her hair looking beautiful and well braided; which everyone knows takes time to make, he still continued to verbally harass her…. until she reacted….. and just as she expected got the beating of a life time!!!
After the pounding, she sat down in a quiet corner and began thinking of all the trouble he has put her into!!!
First, were her colleagues, her job, her apartment, her Aunty, her parents, now he’s about to make her homeless; because she knows she’s moving out of his house!!! She isn’t sure where to go, because she hasn’t got the down payment for another apartment!!! She’s lost everyone in her life, and all the while she was thinking that her lover was trying to love and protect her!!!
Now she’s realised, that he was just a coward who was so scared of losing her to another man!
She doesn’t know what to do!
She needs to move out of his house!
She has no friends and family!
She’s come to me for advice…. but as always I want to know what you think!
Voice of Reasoning
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First published 29 August 2011